You will end up writing what feels right to you, but I have put together some thoughts to ponder for writing your own vows.
What are vows?
Vows are promises that you intent to keep throughout your marriage. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of marriage and not pay too much attention to these, but if you ask me they are the most powerful segment of the ceremony! I cry every time. Your photos will still be stunning, but I’m an emotional gal! The kinda gal that cries at commercials.
How do we write vows? Where do we start?
Ask your partner – First, start by getting on the same page with your partner about the length. Are you looking for something short, serious, funny or more of a narrative? Settle on a vibe. Be your authentic self and voice. Don’t try to be overly poetic or formal if that is not your normal!
Start now – Don’t wait to write jot down ideas. It may even start out as a list! Let it be word salad, let them marinate, pick out the thoughts that you want to narrow in on. Give yourself time to say them out loud, even to a close friend or family member. It’s nice to know if an inside joke doesn’t come across the way it is intended or gets confusing. This will help refine it and go smoothly on your big day with less nerves.
Don’t ramble – It’s easy to get wordy, wanting to share every detail of why you love your partner. Make sure you stay focused! The receiving end will appreciate something more concise.
Keep them to yourself – Share them with your partner only when you stand in front of each other at the ceremony! It will be more impactful if they are hearing it for the first time!
Pick out or make vow books yourself – You can start on your phone, but let it work its way to something tangible! I really love these vow books from Etsy!
Avoid embarrassing or sensitive content – You generally want your vows to be uplifting and light with punches of emotion. There are ways to include personal stories and inside jokes without making someone feel uncomfortable!
Take a break – Don’t try to write everything all in one go. Take advantage of fresh eyes and ears on your content.
Highlight their qualities – Mention traits you admire and why they are so special to you. You can even mention things you look forward to further into your marriage because of these qualities.
Here is a guideline for the guts of the vows. Rearrange, add to it or cut some out. Do as you please! These are just suggestions.
Begin with something simple – Start with a nickname or simple declaration of love. Briefly state why you love them and how they have impacted your life. Who is your partner to you?
Move on to the emotions – Where did you start and what did it mean to you then? Is there a moment you realized you loved this person and maybe the moment you wanted them to be your person?
Next, share what truly rocks your world about them – How do they treat you, others? How have you connected with them deeper and deeper over time? What do you love about them? What makes you proud to truly know them?
What’s your connection? – What makes you so connected to one another? How do you complement and motivate each other? Share a story about how they have helped you in hard times. How were they there for you? How will they be there for you in the future?
Finally, the promises you intend to keep – What are the things you will do for your partner and your relationship? Share specific ways on how you will show your love and support.
Look ahead – What kind of future do you envision for you and your partner? What is on the horizon for you both? Where do you see your relationship in the coming years? Mention something you can’t wait to do together.
Lastly – End with something that reflects the tone and sentiment of your vows, a statement of love.
Answer theses questions to get the emotional juices flowing:
-What did you think of them immediately upon meeting them?
-When did you know it was right to say “I love you?”
-How has your partner made your life better?
-Have they changed how you see the world?
-What makes you feel more connected?
-What do you miss about them when you aren’t together?
-Have you been through something together that has brought you closer?
-What are you grateful for in your relationship?
-How would you thank them for being there for you in hard times?
-Is there a song or quote that sums up your relationship?
-What are the moments or memories that stand out in your relationship?
-You help me be a better person by…
-You make me feel…
-I promise to…
Final Thoughts
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about your personal connection. This is your chance to look your partner in the eyes and spill your guts. Be vulnerable. I’ll bring the tissues. I thought about giving vow examples, but don’t want to lead you away from these prompts. Answer them, see what sparks memories or feelings. Hopefully you learned how to write your own vows on a personal level with the tools to dig deep!
Visit my site if you are browsing elopement photographers who take you to some magnificent places in Northern Arizona, places you can share these private vows with each other and 2 witnesses!
-Clarice